and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
