Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
