Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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