Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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