How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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