Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
