New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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