Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
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Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
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She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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