I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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