In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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