I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
