Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
