Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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