My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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