Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
