I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize