2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
