I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So vagazzling was a success
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
