Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
