Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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