You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
