do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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