I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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