Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
