Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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