Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
