what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
