I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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