Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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