margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?