This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
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okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
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But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie