There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???