i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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