i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
if only i could text you this smell
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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