I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
