I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
