my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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