Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
