I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
you never un-have a 4some
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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