It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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