yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize