there's paper in my vomit.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
