I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
