I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
