There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
