oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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