Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
