I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Farmville is her only friend.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
