No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
