well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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