i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
