On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
