Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
