I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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