apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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