How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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