adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
