when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Randomize
