I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I can't put those talents on a resume
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
