But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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