There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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