plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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