the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
