Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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