he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
