I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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