So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
