I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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