i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
