I wish I could teleport
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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