New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
