Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"