It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
