wrigley field is MILF paradise
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.