he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
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No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.