I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
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I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
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I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I would ride that face into the sunset