so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
