I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize