i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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