My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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