He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
