yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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