it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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