I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My vagina is officially offended.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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