Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
