Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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